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March 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Senator John McCain said he doesn’t use email because he wouldn’t want to make a bad decision in the heat of the moment and send something he’d later regret. Because if anyone knows about making...
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March 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Apple unveiled an 18-karat gold version of its new iWatch priced at $10,000. It’s perfect for the person who really wants to get mugged. 2. On Monday, AMC ordered a prequel series to its...
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March 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Washington Post reported on Wednesday that two Secret Service agents crashed a government vehicle after leaving a party last week while possibly drunk. Which explains why the White House has...
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May 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, it was revealed that Charlotte is the name of the new royal baby. And, since she was just born and is not yet potty-trained, that family now has two Charlies who are unable to sit on the...
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May 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Michael Jackson’s glove and George Harrison’s guitar are set to be auction off in New York next week. Man, if that guitar could talk it would probably say “Get me away from that glove.” 2. Austrian...
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May 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Verizon bought AOL for $4.4 billion because it’s still illegal to actually set money on fire. 2. A man in China was arrested for attempting to smuggle heroin into the country hidden in...
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June 3, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. AOL launched a new homepage yesterday. So expect a panicked call from your parents. “My email’s missing!!!!” 2. Sepp Blatter stunned the world of soccer yesterday by unexpectedly resigning as FIFA...
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June 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new survey, half of the apartment complexes in close range to two Texas Universities offer free, on-site, indoor tanning beds. When tanning expert Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi was asked...
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June 11, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, J. Crew laid-off roughly 10% of its workforce. But, on the plus-side, those employees definitely have the shorts to go with their pink slips. 2. Michelle Kwan, the two-time Olympic...
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June 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said if he’s elected he will roll-back President Obama’s executive orders that loosened the country’s immigration policy. Said immigrants, “If you’re elected, we’re no...
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June 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. President Obama made news over the weekend by using the n-word in a podcast while discussing race. Marking the first time FoxNews has ever supported Obama. 2. Over the weekend, a pregnant Kim...
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September 1, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, retired neurosurgeon and Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson pulled into a tie with businessman Donald Trump in the newest poll of voters in Iowa. Begging the question, are you...
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September 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Monday night, late night host Jimmy Kimmel welcomed guests Bill O’Reilly and Kermit the Frog on his show. One of his guests was a puppet who only does and says what he’s told to and the other was...
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October 2, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, 70-year-old, British actress Helen Mirren said she won’t do nude or topless scenes anymore. “Great, more work for me,” said Kathy Bates. 2. On Thursday, the U.S. National...
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October 6, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, presidential hopeful Donald Trump jokingly sent a case of Trump Ice Natural Spring Water to rival Marco Rubio with the note “Since you’re always sweating, we thought you could use some...
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October 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. It is being reported that the two guards charged with watching drug kingpin El Chapo at a high-security Mexican prison were playing solitaire while he escaped. And you can yell these guards weren’t...
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December 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, golfer Tiger Woods said he peaked when he was eleven. Begging the question, how much sex was eleven-year-old Tiger Woods having? 2. According to a new study, kids who take...
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December 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Philadelphia prosecutors on Monday announced a pilot program that gives people charged with nonviolent felonies a chance to attend college classes as an alternative to going to trial. Which is...
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December 11, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump on Thursday postponed his trip to Israel amid a controversy over his proposal to ban Muslims from entering the United States, saying he will take the...
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February 16, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the court’ most outspoken conservative judge, died in his sleep. And I think it’s only fair that all the women in the U.S. get to decide now what...
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